Coming Out

Hey folks.

Just last week, I turned 26. The people close to me know what a wild year the last one has been. It’s taken me all my life, but I’m finally living in a way that honours my deepest self, one that I had buried and hidden for so long. And thanks to the immense love and support of my family, friends, and my wonderful partner, I no longer crave external validation and affirmation of my queer identity like I once did.

So, I’m a lesbian.

I’m making this public to clear the last of the cobwebs, and to set free another person who has been affected by my own closet. Five years ago, I married Nathan, and he has been a patient and gracious companion on this journey, a wonderful ally and dear friend. It was he who confronted the truth about my sexuality when I was too afraid to, and I am grateful for this and everything we have shared together. We separated on good terms several months ago, when we realised neither of us could continue our marriage when both of us were suffering.

If you know me (and/or Nathan) at all, you’ll know that church and religion has been a big part of my and my family’s life. The complexities of this journey can’t be disentangled from that. It is also this that has made me hesitant to come out in the past, as I feared what the Christians I knew might say to or about me. But so far, the vast majority of our close church friends and family have been so supportive and offered love without condemnation. This is all I could ask for.

Before I sign off, let me leave you with some poetry.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Live well, friends.

Peace and love,
Kaya

*Originally published on my personal Facebook page on June 23, 2021.